I like to consider myself a minimalist. My clothes cover all of the appropriate regions, layer when needed, and never glorify an animal textured, sequin-aholic wardrobe. I choose to carry my textbooks on campus as opposed to wearing a backpack. As a general rule, I choose to avoid carrying bags, purses, or anything ‘extra’ whenever possible – my hands and pockets serve as a perfect haven for all of my things.
The ‘wallet’ I carry is not technically a wallet. To be specific, it is a legitimate J. Crew Inside-Out Vachetta Wallet. (Google it.)Mine just happens to be patterned with brown and pink paisley print, and accented with tan leather slots. On one side, the two slots hold my debit card and a Borders Rewards card. The other side holds my ATM card, as well as my library card. Presumably, any stalker would assume that I would enjoy reading often. Wrong. I do enjoy a casual skim over the weekly comics a few times a year, but I’m not devoted enough of a reader to fully invest any intended use of my electronic cards on books.
The inner straps of my wallet contain valuable information. On one side, my driver’s license securely lays on top of my health insurance and (proof of) car insurance cards. (I make sure to keep copies of my car insurance card in my car’s owner’s manual (located in my glove box), in a file in my closet, and on my person.) I want to be sure I have all the necessary documents when that glorious day comes and I’m asked to provide my license, insurance, and registration. (Thus far, I have yet to be pulled over.)
The other inner strap of my ‘magic wallet’ (as been dubbed by some) holds my sentimental punch card for Burger Mill. How I miss living in Marysville. Well, not really. But I do miss my 1/3 Pound Bacon Cheeseburger (with extra tartar sauce on the side) and a LARGE Chocolate Shake. The only other punch card in my wallet is for Fantastic Sam’s. It’s my way of indirectly saying, “I take care of my hair,” without showing myself to anyone. They can just simply fumble through my things and count, endlessly, the stamps placed on my hair-cut card. (I have only four more stamps until a free cut!)
The most meaningful (and powerful) statement in my wallet would happen to be the business card from Kay Jewelers, delicately slipped beneath my punch cards. I am not employed, nor have I ever been employed, at or by Kay Jewelers. However, they did offer me a job. The Kay Jewelers manager had been shopping at the store I worked in – naturally, I helped her with her needs and made sure she was taken care of. She was so thrilled with my level of customer service that she came back to me the next day and offered me a job! She discretely handed me her business card with a sticker on the back stating, “I like your work style! We may have a brilliant career opportunity for you. If you are interested, call me in confidence.” I was happy to be noticed, but I had to decline her offer. My place was at my parent’s store; as I explained this to her, she understood, but still desired my presence.
As I’ve already explained, my wallet is no sure way for any amateur stalker to understand what I am like, or how I operate. My Borders Rewards and library cards are simply filling in slots on my wallet. I have no desire to use them on a regular basis, nor do I intend to remove them from where they reside. My driver’s license may give stalkers information concerning my physical appearance, but they will never be able to track me down. (I have not resided at the documented address on my license for about 18 months now.) Procrastination? Maybe. Or possibly a deliberate intention to misguide, confuse, or even confumble (and yes, confumble is a word. I created it several months ago while updating my facebook status) the most determined of stalkers. Unless a stalker knew me outside of my wallet, he would have no idea how brilliantly misleading I am. (Go ahead. Applaud. I’ve just informed you of how to avoid being stalked at the expense of misplacing your personal things.)
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